I could summarize the text from the writings before, but I'll link them here and give the rest of the game to you.
In posts before, I discussed finding community and forming community. I'll summarize: I said to form community because you cannot always depend on particular structures to exist; you cannot depend on a certain group of peoples that you have an affinity towards to always be there. Forming community involves you seeking, but I have neglected to point out that it is also acknowledging that people may be seeking you too.
In WWWWWH: Moving, How to Move (pt. 3), I made mention of the need to move different when you find yourself in a different space: be that a new season of your life or a new location physically. Here, I will give you some ingredients. Let's pretend making community is like making bread: find the ingredients, form the dough, rest it, bake it, then boom. Made.
Making community (Set the oven to 100°F)
1. Find folks you like and folks that like you. Because not everybody likes you forreal nor supports you forreal. Some people are there for laughs only. That's okay. We remain grateful for the peanut gallery. Someone's gotta talk.
2. Spend time with people. Go for walks. Go to church. Go volunteer. Spend time bopping around
3. Spend time around people. Go to the farmers market and introduce yourself when you buy something. Head to that one concert by yourself. Go sit in the public library instead for your reading time.
4. Find places you don't mind visiting often and visit often. Greet and say all the thank yous at the boba shop next time you go by. Anybody can tip. Not everybody says thank you tho.
5. Plan friend dates or hangouts. I don't know how many times I have gone bowling just to hang out with friends, but I've done it. Some of my top choices when it's my turn: karaoke, movie night at my place, ice cream or boba chill session, going for a walk, going to the gym together, or attending some sort of event with another person or with the intention of meeting them there.
6. Visit places you don't normally visit and do what you don't normally do. This is more so you visiting a place like a cultural center or attending an event you wouldn't normally find yourself going to. Me? I am such a fan of celebrating Lunar New Year or Diwali with my respective friends because I was open-minded the first times to attend. You become a face in other communities and get engaged in more cross-cultural interaction. The more you do that, the more you see how much more similar we all are than we are different. *Insert heart eyes emoji here*
7. Get peoples numbers. Stop asking for instagram, snapchat, and linkedin. Clarreese I'm looking at you! Don't be afraid to give people your number, join a whatsapp group chat, and message follow up texts such as: "it was so great meeting you" or suggest another event to attend together. That's so special.
8. Ask people how they are. If anything is wrong, ask them if you can help out in any way and be prepared to do it. Making space to care for others and sharing that you are making space to care for others also gives them time to care for you. You share with them, they share with you, and boom. Emotional connection. (Side note: I've got to stop saying 'boom.')
9. Spend time with self. Stay in-the-know with yourself: journal, write out gratitude, practice a new song on the guitar, write a letter to a loved one, and sing aloud. As much as we are community-wired, we can't forget to tap into self. That's company too.
I didn't mention that sometimes there might be salt you need to alleviate, or the people you may need to thin out. I didn't mention how to maintain, but maybe I will write about that soon and link it. For me, you already know God is all up in my community. I pray for and over who's connected to me often, and try not to act too shocked when He distances me from people. It'll be alright. You'll make friends and memories. You'll make community.
All the Best,
CLG (Clarreese La'Nay Greene)
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