I write because God: He gave me a gift, and I know better than to not use it. I write because He told me things that I am supposed to pen. I do not know who it really serves, but I know that it is outside of myself. I write because destinies are attached to it; testimonies are attached to it. I write because there is a voice in it, because His voice is in it.
I continue to write because someone has to explain that sometimes it won't make sense at all. For me, sometimes it does not make any sense at all. Why did I have to go through that? Why did I have to suffer and struggle? Why do I have to be the bigger person? I write to flesh it all out, give it legs, and let it walk away from me. I write because there are things that I hold on to that I don't want to carry anymore. I write because there are things that I can't carry anymore. I write because there are things that I refuse to carry anymore.
I write because I feel like this is all I know. More than speaking, reading, thinking, maybe breathing--this is all I know. I can never really find the right words to say, never the best way to act, never aligned with the vast majority (and even minority) of thoughts in the room. I write because something becomes a little looser in the tightness of my bones. I write because something becomes more free. I write because ... sometimes what I write writes me. There is no blotting out and I can be honest, open, and cry through the ink. I write because there is so much power in sending it out and not taking it back. I write because maybe there is something eternal about it that reminds me of the Bible and how all of David's praises and sorrows and stories made it into the Big Book. I write because maybe one day my own might be there too, however minimal or grand, and I just want the editors to get the story right. I write to get the story right. I write because they have made up stories about me and those before me and besides me and they don't tell the whole truth and unearth the anguish and frustration. I write because they tried to stomp out my words like a bad blunt. I write because they thought it a bad blunt and it's actually a decent one. I write because none of that matters and I'm trying to remember that even when I feel lonely I am not alone. I write to cling closer to Him and catch my tears on something other than my shirt or pillowcase. I write because sometimes, it is what I think all is left and right with me.
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